It's so true this quote. Those who don't care at all, once cared too much. I think this now applies to me too, spending way too much time caring over certain things and people, when they were only in my life for what felt like a split second. And another thing I've noticed, is that those who are utterly miserable seem to try make a mess of other people's lives so they can forget their own. I don't mean that in a harsh way... I mean it because I've had it happen to me more times than I care to count.

The lesson learned from it all is that I really need to start caring about the right people. I tend to drift towards those that either 'need' me, but only need me for specific reasons and then when that purpose is fulfilled.. they drift away from me. I thought I loved someone, but in the end I realized how depressed he was, and that subconsciously I desperately wanted to help him. I didn't realize that I was with a sociopath.. and charming as he was, he would use me and spit me out like he had done with countless other people. Thankfully I ended it as soon as I realized. For the longest time I was in shock that I could ever have been with someone like that... and how deceiving some people can be. It's definitely made me build a wall so high that not many can get close, and if they really knew why, they may understand.

I'm surprising myself more than ever lately.. realizing that it doesn't really matter if people drift in and out of my life, they stay long enough to teach me a valuable lesson or two, move on and let me breathe again... I have a very close group of friends who have always stayed the same and never judge me.. They know I make mistakes but they don't define me, or make me a bad person. If I judged everyone on every mistake they ever made, I'd end up pushing everyone away and cutting them out. That's not me.

Even the man I dated for months, who treated me so badly... I am forgiving. It's definitely a process, but i'm getting there. Overcoming the shock and the fact someone would ever do that to me.. it hasn't always been easy. It's taught me more about him and myself- how happy I am that I walked away and never tried revenge.. I'll leave it to karma to do it's magic.

I've come out a more 'intuitive' person definitely... those with negative auras, I can sense that energy and usually my instinct is right in most cases. I guess that comes with experience (good and bad). People do fascinate me... those who seem to speak harshly or lie about someone's character, says more about themselves than anything else. It blows my mind that people could say such untrue things about someone and not feel anything. If someone genuinely upsets me, I might tell them what I think about what they did, but I don't ever put them down to other people. Maybe it's because I feel so strongly about karma, wrong speech, the ripple effect it can have... or maybe my conscience would fall on me like a tonne of bricks.

Something else I've noticed... when those negative influences leave your life, it's like being able to see clearly again. How silly of me that I never saw it before - I was too busy listening and caring what other people were saying, even if it was negative.. It was weighing heavily on my mind even days later. Mentally exhausted, I gave up trying to "fix" them and when I let go... I realized I needed to focus on me - not in a selfish way - but how could I help anyone if I couldn't help myself?

(This is a diary entry from a couple of days ago... Thought I'd share it)

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